Sports Quotes

By The Spotter

Here’s an unofficial list of great sporting quotes; have a read and kick off a great sports weekend with a good laugh…

Golf: ‘Is my friend in the bunker or is the bastard on the green?’ (Anonymous)

Cricket: ‘Hey Tuffnell, can I borrow your brain? I’m building an idiot. (Aussie fan to the somewhat eccentric English spinner, Phil Tuffnell, circa early 90s).

Baseball: ‘I took our boy to see Dr. Zhivago’. ‘Why? What’s wrong with him?’ (Yankees legend Yogi Berra responds to information about his wife’s day).

Basketball: ‘If cocaine were helium, the NBA would float away’. (Legendary American sports caster Art Rust).

Onto football.  Two pearlers from former Man Utd boss in the 70s, Tommy Docherty:

“If Mourinho were made of chocolate, he’d lick himself”.

“He can’t run, can’t tackle and can’t head a ball. The only time he goes forward is for the coin toss”. (referring to ex-England midfielder, Ray Wilkins).

From the captain of the great Liverpool team of the late ‘70s, Phil Thompson (latterly a somewhat enigmatic TV pundit):

“We were caviar in the first half, cabbage in the second”.

‘They say Glenn Hoddle’s found God…that must have been one heck of a pass’. (Comedian Jasper Carrott).

John Terry had an unfortunate way of describing the celebration of a goal by William Gallas a few years ago at Chelsea:

“As I’ve grabbed hold of Willie, the manager’s there, the staff and all the players”!

The tricky winger out of Aberdeen and now Scotland national team supremo, Gordon Strachan, obviously possesses a fairly sardonic wit if the following quips are anything to go by:

(To a reporter): “You want a quick word, do you?…Velocity”.

(To another unfortunate): “ Any changes? Naw, still five-foot six, with ginger hair and a big nose”.

(Gary Lineker): “So Gordon, if you were English, what formation would you employ”?

(Gordon Strachan): “If I were English I’d top myself”!

Georgie Best’s most famous quote was  “I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars…the rest I just squandered” but this isn’t bad either.

“I used to go missing a lot- Miss Canada, Miss United Kingdom, Miss Germany…

And lastly, one from the man who turned Liverpool into a feared force before Bob Paisley came along, Bill Shankly:

“If Everton had a match at the bottom of my garden, I’d draw the curtains”.